Reconnecting With Self

Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of who I am and what I can offer to others.  I’ve spent years walking by mirrors never really looking at self in them and forgetting how important it is to voice my opinion about my wants and needs.  Over time this can really take a toll on a person…to the point where I almost feel invisible.  Now, if I had the magical powers with actually being invisible that would be one thing, but to just feel invisible in a room full of people because you’ve chosen to feel that way, has left me feeling lost.

This past year I’ve been working on creating boundaries with the people in my life.  I’ve learned that some people should not be a part of my life because they’ve either made me feel unworthy because of their own insecurities or they feel the need to change me into who they think I should be.  Shame on me for allowing myself to believe them, but no more.  I’ve eliminated the bullies; the people who never appreciated me and am only embracing the people that want to be in my life and accept me as is.

I’ve also been taking a hard look at others who are kindhearted but necessarily aren’t right for me.  This is something I’m struggling with because I hate hurting people who truly care for me, but am learning that you sometimes need to be selfish to be happy.  At the end of the day, if I’m not happy, why should I take it out on others?  I shouldn’t….and won’t.

Today, the least likely person reminded me of my passion of cooking….and realized how I haven’t really been doing much of it for awhile.  I miss it and will probably further my cooking education this year with classes and challenge self at home by throwing dinner parties again.

In addition to walking passed mirrors, I’ve walked by rooms in my home and that is going to change.  I want to take the next 2 to 3 years and work on a room at a time to create a different environment.  I want the charm of the 1949 Cape I bought, but update it to the 21st Century.  Basically, it will still have Barbie Dream House appliances and lack closet space, but that only means I will be far more thoughtful at what I select to make a room pop!  Funny thing is that I’m not sure I want to stay here, but I do think taking the time to change the house will help me learn more about my self and I want that.

The biggest change I plan to make, and it may sound like an oxymoron, but I will be learning how to reach out to others and let them in.  I’ve recently started to and I’ve found that the people I am letting in are more than willing to help me rediscover me.

I’m looking forward to this journey and do plan to share what I’m up to on a weekly basis (I’d love to say I plan on writing daily, but who am I kidding).  Part of me is excited and part nervous at what I’ll discover, but know the timing is right to take this journey.

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