When I started on my venture to date myself, I thought because I was in control I won’t let the traditional pitfalls of any relationship be a part of mine. Well….ya know what…. the pitfalls do creep in when you aren’t looking.
For instance, everyone wants to put their best foot forward in any new relationship. They want the other person to see a shiny, happy, magnificent person: one who is this awesome human being and I know I did this with myself. I want to change, but I realize if you try to change everything at once you become cranky, tired and disappointed.
I recently read an article that stated the most important thing to teach a child isn’t necessarily to have self-esteem, but self-compassion. I need to start doing that. I am in the process of cleaning out a house I’ve lived in for 20 years, but what I’m really cleaning out is the stuff left behind 2 marriages that I hid in my basement and attic. I thought, silly me, this would take 3 weekends. Let me throw into the mix that I live in a different state for 3 days for work and by the time I get home on late Wednesday evening I’m burnt out. Sounds sad, but Thursday is a bit of a recovery day which leaves me Friday and Saturday and I’m working Friday, cleaning and running errands on Saturday and then getting my crap together on Sunday for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. While this should take a very short time, it doesn’t because I’m procrastinating because I’m unhappy. I feel like a nomad. Sorry….strayed from topic of this post, but my point is that I was trying to impress self by being this amazing super person – setting ridiculous goals as I enter into my new life and am now realizing things are going to slide. I’m not perfect. Nor will I ever be. I need to date the version of me that at times is incredibly anal and on top of organizing my life; other times just needs to veg out and be completely unproductive because of the stress I put on me to be perfect combined with working in a job I don’t enjoy; the over-analyzer and constantly questioning the what-ifs because I’m a worrier; or the me that just needs to hang with friends and say fuck it to the long list of things I should be doing. Instead, I’m going to embrace the true me and if there are things about me I want to change, I will change them for me and really isn’t this whole purpose of ‘Date Myself’ is to be in a relationship with the person who is supposed to bring me the most happiness?