100 Days

I think there comes a point in everyone’s life when things become overwhelming and you need to step back and look at what you can and can’t handle.  For me, it’s recognizing that I was trying to do it all and still making myself too available for others.  Over the weekend I started to feel as if my head was going to explode because I was doing too many things, but nothing really for me.  I made the decision to figure out what I really wanted for myself and started to carve out this time for me.  Unfortunately, this made me notice that some of the people in my life, who I thought were good for me, left me feeling annoyed and aggravated.  I tried saying something and it fell on deaf ears.  Here’s the point:  if I tell you I’m uncomfortable then just stop doing it.  Don’t turn it around on me.  Don’t make me feel guilty because I’m voicing my needs and what I’m asking of you is no big deal to you, but to me….it’s huge.  I no longer want to walk away from every conversation feeling annoyed.  A friendship should not leave you feeling angry towards the person… or inadequate.  I’m done.  I no longer feel this need to impress anyone or have this need for someone to like me.  I want friendships of mutual respect and if that means walking away to get the right relationships in my life – I will.

In the meantime, I’m going to spend the next 100 days putting me at the very top of the list so I learn to create relationships that are nurturing and healthy for me.  Basically, ones where there is a mutual respect.  I can no longer be there for everyone….basically, I’m in desperate need of boundaries…I can no longer be saying yes to everyone and everything.  It should be an interesting 100 days – at the end I look forward to being in the right relationships and no longer feeling the need to please everyone at my own expense.

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