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Going from Productive to Finding Purpose…………

Posted on by littlemsblogger

Being “productive” is a way to keep me busy, but it hasn’t helped overcome my sadness or feeling deflated and defeated.  Last week I had some bad days when I started to realize that companies who I knew weren’t hiring were still posting jobs.  This happened to me in 2009 when Obama first came into office. Companies thought the economy was going to turn around instantaneously and it didn’t.  I had applied for positions, interviewed and would have been selected, but was told the job was on hold and was asked to let them know if I found something else in case funding for the position became available.  I was relieved when I read an article on LinkedIn late one night this week from a recruiter asking companies to stop this behavior, but it mysteriously disappeared the next morning when I went to look for it.

For the past several weeks, I’ve been forced to sit still with pain from an unknown origin.  I still can’t articulate what I’m going through, but know for too many years, I believed the opinion of others instead of mine and this led to me not recognizing my reflection in the mirror.  I have no clue of what I can or can’t do.  I need to find my Purpose.

For me, Purpose is finding a project that will challenge me to find my confidence again. Basically, rediscover me – what I want and need to be happy.  I know others may stumble across this post and think they will find the magical way to find their meaning of life, but that is what I would consider more of a calling.  I’m not out to change the world, I’m just out to believe in me again.

Several years back, I had what I would like to call the perfect emotional storm of events that took place over a 15-month span.  I ended a relationship with a sibling because she was a bully, ended a marriage, was in a job which wasn’t healthy for me, and let certain individuals into my life that I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t so emotionally vulnerable.  What no one tells you is that you may deal with the individual changes, but there is a connection from all that happened and it chipped away at my physical and emotional well-being.

I’ve come to terms with a lot which happened back then, but realize there is one thing I hadn’t.  During that time, I was commuting 2 states over for a job I wasn’t in love with, and spending 2 nights in that state.  I wasn’t around enough to mow my lawn and tried hiring landscapers.  They either didn’t understand my ask, or just wouldn’t show up to take care of the yard.  The result was that my “lovely neighbors” sent me a type written anonymous letter going on about the state of my bushes on the side of my yard.  They let me know if I had a money problem I should go to a local church as they may have young boys who would assist me with the bushes at a no-or-low cost.  I cried and cried, but thought I toughened it out.  However, I didn’t realize how much this cowardly act has had a tremendous impact on me. It’s been 4 years since I’ve spent time in my yard.  The overwhelming shame and embarrassment I felt was too much for me.  I know it is silly to let these cowardly people influence how I live my life, but as I mentioned, it was one of many events that took place during a tumultuous period in my life.  I couldn’t deal with the shame and embarrassment so instead I’ve opted to avoid spending time in my yard.  This way, my neighbors couldn’t put a face with the address (that is my solid logical thinking going on in my head), but am disappointed that I let these thoughts defeat me.

It’s funny, when I divorced my first husband, I looked at something to do that would challenge and help me find me again.  I ended up raising money for the Leukemia Society by walking a marathon.  As a very overweight individual, this was definitely a stretch objective.   I spent months and months walking and talking with my training partner where I learned so much about me especially the fact that I did have the strength and belief in me to be successful and never give up.

I’m happy I recorded that journey through my journaling.  It is the only period of my life I’ve actually gone back to read what I wrote.  I captured everything from the pain of walking because I was so out of shape, to mourning the death of my marriage, but it is the entry the day after the marathon which still resonates with me.  I was so proud of me – what I accomplished and how I didn’t let my negativity get the best of me. Remembering this feeling has made me realize I need another “believe-in-me” project.  However, this time, I need a project where I’m the only one motivating me to continue and finish it.  It sounds crazy not to ask for help, but I need to learn how to push me – not because I have to, but because I want to.

I don’t plan to ditch my daily to-do list as I’m finding that feeling productive while I find my unicorn (a job during a pandemic) is helpful.  I already have gardening (really weeding on the list), but think I’ll break out my digital camera I’ve barely used to visually record this journey.   It’s said a picture paints a thousand words.

Although most of the yard is over grown and many of the original plants I planted have been destroyed by deer or my resident woodchuck, I haven’t managed to kill off the peonies and cat mint.  They come back year-after-year with bursts of colors among the abundance of weeds.  If they can survive without care after many years, imagine what some TLC will do for both of us.

Being Productive…….

Posted on by littlemsblogger

After spending the first entire weekend on the couch dosing in-and-out of conscientiousness, I woke up Monday morning and created a to-do list.

For the past two weeks, I have been creating a daily to-do list.  Some days when my emotions get the best of me the list has 5 items, other days 12 +.  I find that when I create a list with too many items, I feel defeated before I even start.  I am also aware that some items need a time limit.  For instance, I’m doing some paper shredding of work documents and limit it to 20 minutes so I don’t overheat the shredder; weeding the front flower bed is limited to a bucket of weeds and job searching is limited to 90 minutes/daily.

The truth is…. a to-do list keeps me busy and gives me a sense of productivity that I need at this moment.  It also helps me put things in perspective so I don’t obsess over job searching 24/7.  Seriously, the power of “willing a job board” to update several times a day doesn’t work.  It just makes me insane.

I realize that losing my job was the catalyst to setting off the perfect storm of things in my life I haven’t wanted to face or even address.  You can only run so fast until eventually you collapse from exhaustion.  In my case, it means that I’m finally forced to address things that caused me a lot of pain in the past that I swept under the carpet and to also figure out what I want for me going forward.  Unfortunately, this is a work in progress and I realize I can’t just snap my fingers and everything okay.

As I work on things, I’m happy for my to-do lists.  I get to draw a line through things I have accomplished and still move forward with trying to create a future for me.  I am also taking the time to work on my cooking skills and knowledge.  I’m not a baker, but I find it cathartic, in a quiet way, to watch something come together as I mix a few ingredients and transform them into a very tasty treat.

I’m still scared of the unknown, and really have nothing to say to people.  I’m not ready to talk about my situation, but will continue with the to-do lists as I regain control of my life.

Pain

Posted on by littlemsblogger

[This is a piece I needed to write. I can’t decide upon a title because this is a rather selfish piece about me and my pain when I know others are either losing loved ones, suffering from a horrible disease which no one can battle, or caring for people who are sick on a daily basis. For those people, I’m truly sorry, but in order for me to even begin to heal, writing helps me. I also realize that if I capture how I truly feel in this post, I can just point people to it instead of trying to get the words out time-and-time-again].

Thursday I was let go from my job. I’m not the first person who lost their job because of COVID 19, but am probably the only person I know that has lost their job when the NYC World Trade Towers fell for 10 months; when the banking crisis hit in 2008 for 4 years; and now because of a health pandemic.

With each layoff, life gets harder for me because I’m older when searching for a job and financially I end up at zero or relying on others for support. I’ve lost my sense of self. I wish I could say I will come out of this stronger, but I just don’t know anymore…and if I get anymore texts of such platitudes like “I know you can handle it” or “you’re the strongest person I know” I would, if I felt good enough, violate the whole self-distancing rules in place to poke that person in the eye or punch them in the face. I’m not a violent person, but this stuff is pushing me over the edge and here’s why…..

When the news sunk in, I was talking to my sister. Lucky for her, I had texted her my news because there was no way she could make out what I was saying. My cries were from someone who was in extreme physical agony. I was, and still am, in an incredible amount of emotional and physical pain. The difference between that call and now is that I promised her I would not do any harm to me before she could come up and see me on Saturday. Yesterday, I asked her not to come, not because the pain has gone away or diminished, but because I can’t talk about a plan as the emotional pain is so very physically painful for me. I feel as if I’m spinning around in a very narrow dirt pit. The width of the pit is just enough that if I sat on the floor of the pit with my legs straight out, they would touch the other side of the wall. Because I’m so far down in this hole, all I can see is the diameter of a drinking glass’ worth of blue sky. Screaming for help won’t help because my voice doesn’t carry and trying to climb up the side of the walls of the pit is impossible because it only loosens the dirt which lands on me, and the dust begins to fill my lungs. I end up coughing to the point where the dirt I inhaled is coughed up and my lungs burn.

To say I am numb is an understatement. To say I’m scared, only scratches the surface of how I feel. I cry and cry some more till my muscles, teeth, face and head are in pain. I’m also very light-headed because my head is spinning so much. I’m alone during this pandemic and could use a good hug, some Kleenex or toilet paper, but COVID 19 has taken all of those things away from me. I have no desire to publicly embarrass myself with masked face and puffy eyes or have a crying fest in the grocery store because the paper aisle is once again empty.

I am making some progress. I thought enough of myself yesterday when my company asked that I drive my computer back to the office instead of returning their computer via their standard protocol through postal delivery. The office I work in is closed due to COVID, but the CEO’s assistant goes in the office once or twice a week. She lives in my hometown and when I suggested I meet her in a nearby parking lot next Tuesday as I’m not up for seeing anyone at the moment, I received an email that stated the IT guy was hoping for my computer back sooner (it should be noted he’s in a different state than I’m in). I have chosen not to respond to this email and will let the company send all the packaging material needed to mail my laptop back. I will then call UPS for a pick-up from my home. Honestly, if you can’t grasp or understand when a person tells you they are not up for seeing ANYONE, well, you can kiss my ass. In a way, I’m proud of myself. I have always bent over backwards to please others even at the expense of my well-being.

This piece only begins to describe the emotional and physical pain I’m in. I’m thankful for a few friends in my life who have actually said, “I don’t know what you’re going through, but are always there to listen”. They don’t spew out platitudes to me; don’t remind me of everything else going on around the world. They just know I’m in so much pain and are respectful of letting me be me. I also want to apologize to other friends who want me to call them and I just can’t.

Last night I decided not to promise anything to anyone except I promised this one thing to me: Every morning I have the opportunity to be productive, or not. Today, I am choosing to be productive.

Years ago, I had a therapist who said to me “All the tools you need for the day are laying right in front of you”. I love this saying. I will wake up everyday and try to determine what I need to feel productive. For me, right at this moment in time, the definition of productive is a day where I don’t cry till I’m physically sick or in pain for ¾ of the day.

What Brings You Comfort?

Posted on by littlemsblogger

For some, it’s being around a loved one; for others it’s getting a comforting hug (my ex-husband gave the best hugs); and yet others it is a childhood dish your mom used to make.

I can run off lists of things that will put a smile on my face, but I think in the end, Comfort is one of the best feelings in the world.  For me, it feels like I’ve been washed over by a tidal wave that doesn’t drown me, but brings me an overwhelming sense of peace.  I don’t know about you but it’s during these moments I feel the most confident, have the most clarity, but more importantly, it’s when I feel the most loved.

After two marriages, it wasn’t until last year around this time that I decided I no longer wanted or cared to have another relationship.  I was raised by a mother who taught me to put marriage first, career second, and we never talked about what I needed.  Family was supposed to be it for me.  She never mentioned that I should be happy in a marriage or how I should learn to voice my opinion to be happy.  Instead, I followed her example of always seeking the approval of my partner, or shutting down because I lost my voice.  So, when I made this decision last year, it was both freeing and odd.

After the dust settled from ending a 10-year relationship, I realized I had other relationships which were lopsided.  It wasn’t just my marriage that I was making concessions in, it was also in some of my friendships.  I was really mad at me for not thinking I deserved more and am now okay with these relationships because I am finally able to see who they are, and recognize I needed to stop fitting a round peg in a square hole.  It doesn’t work with wooden blocks, and it definitely doesn’t work with people.

Finally seeing what I needed in my personal relationships, helped me determine what I needed when I went searching for my next job.  For so long, I never looked at my overall experience and instead only focused on my shortcomings (i.e, working for failed start-ups, working in 3 different industries, working a cross gamut of positions with no experience because I was referred into the position because people believed that I could).  When I began interviewing for my current employer, I realized as I began telling my story I had a solid and unique work history.  I worked for startups, actively participated on the due diligence of an IPO and then moved from business development and sales to legal and sourcing in a Fortune 500 and Fortune 15 company.  I’m at a place where I’m both challenged and my experience is being valued.

Why am I sharing all this?  Well, in order to find Comfort, I had to be very uncomfortable with me before I would allow myself to believe that I both deserved, and was able to accept it into my life.  I also needed to change some of my behaviors to create my own definition of Comfort.  For me, Comfort means:

  • Security – which is why a particular childhood dish will invoke that memory for me because it was before I had to worry about anything;
  • Rituals – I’ve established Saturday mornings for cleaning, which leaves the afternoons for me; and have created a sleep regime which makes me happier the next day;
  • Establishing Time Boundaries – this one has been a crucial one for me. It combines Rituals, but has me recognize that, for the moment, doing a million things in one day is not good for my health.  As I slowly regain my strength, I’ll add more and more, but will know to say no when I’ve reached my limit;
  • No Expectations – as I am learning to stop analyzing people and situations, I’m learning to accept a kind gesture as just that. I find I’m much happier because I’m just enjoying it. and
  • Adding Sparkle to My Life – that could be going to a movie or a concert, getting a facial, or setting aside designated time to spend time with friends.

I guess Comfort means prioritizing me and saying no to things or people that, for the moment, drain me physically or emotionally.  As I write this, I realize Comfort to me really means ‘life’ in the phrase ‘work-life’ balance.

So, what does Comfort mean to you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grocery Shopping in a Non-Plastic Bag State

Posted on by littlemsblogger

Today’s post is short, sweet, and a rant.  I’m all for saving the environment, but why do people think just because you have nice canvas bags that you want every single canned good in that one bag?  I typically bring about 20 bags, but when I lift the bag the cashier just filled and load into my cart I notice  how insanely heavy it is.  Has my cashier just become my personal trainer without my knowledge?  When I ask if I can bag my own stuff, as I’m pulling stuff from the bag they’ve packed and dispersing it among 3, I’m usually told no.  My comment about the weight of the bag is typically ignored because the bags become heavier and heavier.

I am starting to believe this is a new game among cashiers entitled “let’s see how many times I can get a customer to whine about the weight of their bag I just packed.”

New Year’s Resolutions – The Act of Just Attempting Something

Posted on by littlemsblogger

Sounds a bit lazy, but hear me out.  For the people who can create goals and be successful at achieving them, I say kudos to you and I think of you as an unicorn:  magical and something that I’ve never seen.  For the rest of the us, have you ever set a goal of becoming healthier only to find your local gym insanely packed deterring you from entering; or see a co-worker start bringing salads for the month of January and then back to eating from the cafeteria in your office building by March 1st?

I can say, I’ve made resolutions many times, and then just stopped making them as I wasn’t successful at keeping them.  My thought process was why bother, but this year, I decided to change things up.  I’ve decided, it’s okay to fail at something, but it’s not okay to even make an attempt.  My goals are also going to be geared at making me happier.  And being happier means being emotionally healthier.

Last year I quit a job that was toxic for me and found one that I’m very happy in.   Now it is time to work on improving my personal life.  Somewhere along my path, I started to become more fearful of failure. Maybe it had to do with growing older and thinking I couldn’t recover from a mistake, or maybe as I got older I thought I should have the knowledge and years of experience to do something well.  Basically, I’d end up berating me for not being successful at whatever I was attempting.  I am truly my harshest critic…..and I’m going to work on turning off that inner critic to begin attempting new things.

I think the moment I stopped trying something new is the moment I stopped growing as a person.  Now that I’m at a company where I’m thrown things to work on that I have never done, I find it exciting and maybe that is why I am finding the courage again to try new things.

I recently read this quote: “What if you just did it your own way?  No rules, no right or wrong, just what you think is beautiful”.  Unfortunately, not sure who said this, but I like the concept of giving myself permission to not play by the rules, to be true to me, and taking the time needed to figure out what I do want to try.

My goals to many may seem boring, but I know they will make me happy in the long run.  So here they are in no particular order:

  • Get into a sleep regime. This means shutting down technology 1 hour before bed and journaling or reading a chapter in a book to decompress;
  • If you read my last post you know I plan to cook this year, but I really want to tackle recipes that I’d typically walk away from because I thought them to be too advanced for me;
  • Get into a workout routine – 3 days a week, but keeping an open mind that 30 minutes could be a walk in the neighborhood, on a treadmill, stretching because I’m horribly sore that day or just dancing to music that makes me happy;
  • Reviving my yard and finally dealing with all the overgrowth and creating a yard with color. Currently, it’s a hot mess, and I truly feel sorry for my neighbors who have to look at it.
  • Once a month either go to a concert, art gallery, play or cooking class. I love creative things as it re-energizes me, so, now I’m making it a priority.  I recently read this passage in a magazine and it resonated with me:  “Rewarding Moments – Whether it’s a yoga retreat or tickets to a symphony, spending money on events and adventures can make us happier overall.”  I bought a series of concert tickets this fall for my city’s local symphony and have to admit I got lost in both the music played and the synchronized movement of the violinists; and finally
  • Learning to put me first which means it’s okay to be selfish with my time. Time is truly a commodity with which I’m no longer willing to give away so easily.  Years ago, I read a book from Cheryl Richardson in which she wrote about the premise about listening to your gut when someone asks you to do something.  Basically, if you have to think about an invitation or try to justify why or how you can make it work, you probably will not enjoy it.  I sense there will be a lot of ‘no’ in this upcoming year.

Will I be successful at every single goal?  Who knows, but I want to at least try.  If I put my resolutions on hold because other parts of my life takeover, I won’t care because I’ll know that I’ve figured out what will make me happy this year and will go after it.  I think I had always thought of a New Year’s Resolution as some horrible task that I had to do and always associated resolutions with hard work, pain and no enjoyment.  If they say the journey is supposed to be the most important part of reaching your goal, how could it be if you’re thinking the resolution is a punishment?

Update on my Smartphone Breakup…

Posted on by littlemsblogger

There is a saying about breaking up with a man that can be applied here…The Best Way to Get Over a Man is to Get Under a New One.

Not that I subscribe to that philosophy, but the underlying theme is to find another distraction to get your mind off the initial obsession.  In my case, I have been filling my time with working and basic needs of my life (cooking, cleaning, running errands) to conquer my obsession to always be looking at my phone for a fix for a virtual interaction. So, the real question is this:  Would I have overcome my interdependency with my phone for some sort of connection.  Yes.

After writing my last blog post, I took a hard look at what I really wanted for me.  Actually, I took a hard look at how I get to what I want.  They go hand-in-hand.  Was I wanting something because it truly made me happy, or; because I was told it was good for me and should be doing it?  I began to realize I was beating myself up because I couldn’t go an hour or two without looking at my phone.  I made this an all or nothing lifestyle modification (hmmm…I like that phrase ‘lifestyle modification’), when I should have read the underlying reason in my post for wanting to disconnect from a virtual reality and worked more on what I perceived as my reason for wanting to break up with my Smartphone – I wanted to participate more in my real life.  However, I realized it was how I was living my life that made me run to a virtual world.

I’m not one of those individuals who has accomplished a great deal in her life.  I haven’t solved world peace, cured cancer or overcome some major obstacle in life that inspire others.  Instead, I live a quiet life with failed relationships with family, friends, work and marriages.  I’ve cried when I severed each relationship, but am a much happier person today because I had lost my voice, my confidence and became the ugliest version of me just to be heard.  I was trying so hard to please others (whether they knew it or not) in my personal and professional life that I had to sit still and learn to accept that my definition of happiness is not for everyone.  Also, I began to realize my choices, ones that will create a happier life for me requires boundaries with no explanations.

As my spare time is limited because I started working again, I think about what I want to do in my spare time. I’ve decided that if it doesn’t bring me joy, then I don’t do it.  I don’t care that someone wants me to do something because THEY think I’ll have fun.  Truth is, if I say no, or hesitate, I really don’t want to do it and recognize that their ask is to make them happy.  I used to always say yes if I wasn’t too sore or sick, but since I have started paying attention to my wants and needs, I’m not as sore or exhausted (also helps if you begin looking at a bedtime regimen as pleasure and not a punishment – that’s a whole other blog post) because I say no to people and also started recognizing that I have a choice to accept or not accept the bad behavior of others.  I’m choosing to walk away….even if I tolerated that behavior for many years.

The real question I should have asked from the start is:  Does My Smartphone bring me true happiness?  I’d say to a point.  I’m now using it to watch cooking videos to be a better cook, find a place to stay when I go to Florence next year, I’ll look at Instagram when I need to clear my head, pay bills online, and respond to friends about get togethers or keep in touch with long distance friends.  I’ve learned to use my Smartphone as one of many of my tools that help me be happy.

I think the best part of wanting to break-up with my Smartphone is it made me define my happiness.

SmartPhone vs Being in the Moment

Posted on by littlemsblogger

For me, I am finding that I’m becoming more and more attached to my SmartPhone to the point where I’ve decided to give myself a good ol’ fashion time out from it.

Let me explain…….

I grew up prior to invention of the SmartPhone, but when the phone would ring in the house, I would race to answer it as it could have been for me.  The simple sound of the phone ringing meant a connection to the outside world.  Fast forward and any notification ping on my SmartPhone has me rushing back to my childhood and having this overwhelming need to check the notification.  However, it’s more than just checking to see if a friend texted me, notifications also alert me to someone liking a comment I made on their Instagram post. or an email from Williams Sonoma about an upcoming sale.

I would love to say that checking the notifications is my worst problem; but, it’s not.  It’s the endless hours I spend down the rabbit hole researching a recent ache or pain, watching YouTube videos or playing a game I downloaded for hours.  I am realizing I’m replacing human contact with virtual interaction…..and I don’t like what is happening to me.  I’m an introvert, and when stressed, I find myself looking for ways to escape my real life with ‘rabbit-holing’ on my device (note: not sure if a real word, so I’m defining it as spending far too many hours on any one thing – in my case, my SmartPhone) and am realizing just how unhappy I am to become so attached to my device.  The ironic part of my addiction is that many years ago, before it was common to find information on your phone, I worked as a Content Manager for a company that was an aggregator for media and stock information to transmit over a wireless device.  I called companies such as Associated Press or local newspapers to convince them this was the future for delivery of the news.  I was laughed at first, but here we are today, news from almost every major source literally in the palm of my hand.  At that time, I was excited to see our future heading in that direction, but if I had known the dependency it would create for me, I’m not so sure I would be so happy.

I tried meditating the other night (I used to have a daily practice) and noticed that my thoughts kept interfering with my practice and I was anxious to pick up my phone that I had silenced to see if I missed any new job or  Instagram postings and that’s when it hit me that I’m forgetting how to live in the moment.  I’m finding excuses to postpone the actual art of living of my life.  Instead, I’m rabbit-holing a lot of my day, when I should recognize that every day I have a chance to learn something new about myself – good or bad.  So…..I’ve decided to pull away from my phone, and treat it like my diet Coke addiction (initially, I drank too many cans to remember, and through painful withdrawals, I’m down to 1 to 2 fixes a day).  I’ll start with letting myself check my phone every 2 hours, then 3, then 4, and eventually 3 times a day.  I want my SmartPhone to compliment my life and become more of my phone again.  I admit, I’m anxious, but also incredibly happy I’m breaking this habit.  In my last post, I mentioned conquering my fears, and I this has to be my first step in re-engaging in my life again.

I’ll let you next week how this experiment is going.  I’m curious to see if removing this from life has me actually tackling one of my fears.

 

FEAR

Posted on by littlemsblogger

Why do 4 little letters have such a large impact on many people? Although, I think most everyone has something they fear.  For many it is the loss of a loved one;  others global warming and more people than I imagined, fear clowns.  So, I’ll rephrase the question, why are 99.9% of the population impacted by these 4 little letters?  I don’t know, but I can only speak for me.

Over the past six months, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on my past, and wondering what I want for the future.  While I don’t want to make the same mistakes over again, I want to conquer my FEAR of succeeding.  More importantly, my fear of being noticed.

After I got out of my first marriage, I didn’t want to be noticed.  I wanted to be loved, but I was determined that the next person would have to love me for who I was at that moment in time.  I was overweight because I knew if I made myself unattractive to my first husband, I would have an easier time getting out of the marriage.  I was right, but I hid behind my fat.  I convinced myself it was a magic force field and could fly under the radar and not be noticed.  I met and married a wonderful man who loved me, but because I hid so much of who I was, I didn’t believe in my capabilities.    Instead, I pushed down my real me and lost my voice.  I couldn’t speak up and tell my husband what I wanted or needed and eventually the only way he’d listen to me is if I exploded.  It was exhausting, and I never felt uglier as a human being.  For many other reasons, this marriage ended and then 2 years of emotional hell followed for me.   Follow is not the right term, more like I lost my identity to the wrong people.  I looked to others, instead of looking inwards and the stress of losing my identity led me to getting sick.  I went for test after test and the doctors couldn’t identify it.  My internist said it was stress and was relieved the day I told her I quit my job.  I must admit, leaving my job was the best decision I made.

I recently started looking again, but am being more selective in what I am applying for.  However, I have to admit, I’ve applied for some jobs for the fun of it, but am being more thoughtful in the process.  I also noticed, I’m not ducking from things I didn’t want to address and am slowly breaking down things so I can tackle them without feeling overwhelmed.  I’m still fat, but I realized I can still feel pretty even if I’m not considered ‘society’ beautiful while I overcome my healthy relationship with food.  I’m also going after pipe dreams because I rather try and fail, then never have tried at all (I think I just butchered some famous person’s quote).  What I have learned these past several months is that settling should not be the first path I take, and I should hold out for what makes me happy.

I guess you can say that my ‘FEAR’ was not recognizing what made me unique, special and lovable.  I don’t ever want to put myself in that position again.

 

 

 

 

What Does Customer Service Look Like Now?

Posted on by littlemsblogger

Has anyone noticed they are receiving customer service surveys for every Amazon order or for any simple tech question you ask on a website because it is not addressed on their FAQ section?  And…. is real-life face-to-face customer service is starting to disappear?

Scenario 1:  I admit, I order a lot of everyday items through Amazon because I’ve forgotten to pick them up at the store.  I don’t necessarily need them right that moment, but it’d be nice to restock as I’m getting low on them.  For instance, I ordered O-cello sponges from Amazon.   They arrived at my house, I put them away and then I get the email from the supplier asking for a review and shipment of the product.  It’s not even a special sponge that you would use to remove soot off the walls (yes, they make these sponges to remove candle soot off walls and ceilings ….and before you ask, I have replaced that candle with a battery operated one so I never have to remove candle soot from the ceiling).  I ignore the email and then several days later, I get another one reminding me to complete the survey which I promptly deleted.

Scenario 2:  As I’m in between jobs, I am using LinkedIn to create a profile and ran into a minor issue which was not on their FAQ page.  I wrote the customer support team and have to admit I was surprised at how quickly they responded.  Typically, I get an email from most companies that acknowledge they’ve received my email and will get back to me within 24 hours (which they do) and the next day I get my response.  However, LinkedIn responded within minutes of me receiving the ‘receipt’ email.  At the end of the email with the answer there was the question that asked if this answered my question and was asked how many ‘stars’ I would give the response with a section for me to elaborate my answer.  I gave 5 stars as the answer was spot-on and thanked them for being so responsive.

Here’s the thing:  two days later I got a survey from them.  Are you kidding me?  I responded with 5 stars and even used my fingers to type how happy I was with their response and NOW you want me to fill out another survey.  I wanted to respond to the survey email and tell them this was ridiculous, but it was an email with a <noreply> email address.  As the with the O-cello sponge survey email, I prompted deleted this one.

Scenario 3:  This is my favorite as it involves human interaction.  I was at Fresh Market this week (I do love Fresh Market and this behavior was completely out of the norm) and when I went to check out, this woman tells me to go to aisle 3 and begins to check me out.  A man is helping her by bagging my items to move things along.  Halfway during my check-out, two women get in line behind me and the woman checking me out looks at them and tells them to go to aisle 1 and disappears in the middle of checking me out.  WTF?  The guy bagging me looks as puzzled as I do and I ask if he has checked out anyone before and he politely answers yes, but I can tell 2 things about him:  1) If he has, it hasn’t been a lot as I can see the look of fear in his face; and 2) I don’t believe English was his first language and sensed he was hoping I had no questions.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter if he had regularly checked out people before because we both had the look of ‘is she coming back’?  Nope.  It truly was odd.  Last I knew, people know to stand in line in a grocery store and wait their turn.  She could have at least finished with me and then moved onto the other register to check out another person.  What happened to common courtesy?  As I mentioned, I have never had this experience with Fresh Market, but it may be some time before I go back.  It may sound petty, but I hold a different standard for customer service in a human interaction environment.